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Miranda Kennedy, an American journalist who spent
five years in India, published her book “Sideways on a Scooter:
Life and Love in India” recently in the US.
The book has been discussed widely
among the elite class and common men alike.
As part memoir and part reporting, the book
portrays the lives of modern Indian women. According to her India is a
complex and traditional place.
 Miranda
reported for National Public Radio (NPR) and PRI Marketplace Radio.
The changing trend in the lives and love of Indian
Women has been chronicled in the book, according to the reviewers.
She says the educated professional Indian Woman is
forced to blend modern and traditional values in her life.
‘My friend Geetha is a great example of that. She
is one of the main characters of the novel.’
Miranda has a crystal vision on independent women.
‘An independent woman takes into account the
wishes and expectations of her family, her partner and society…’
She has experienced the importance of having some
protective circle of family and loved ones in India.
‘I also softened my attitude on arranged
marriages.’-
But if you ask her on the different outlooks of
Indian and western women, she would say, ‘I wouldn’t say there are
essential differences…’
Excerpt from an exclusive email
interview:
The lives of Indian women
As an American, I was surprised at how many modern
women still had arranged marriages, and how normal the dowry system is.
And yet the thing that struck me most was how similar Indian womens’
lives are to my own. My friends struggled with the same things I
struggled with—basically, how to be an independent woman and also have a
partnership and a family.
Concept on independent woman
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I’d define independent as someone who makes the
majority of her own decisions. She takes into account the wishes and
expectations of her family, her partner, and society, but comes to her
own conclusions.
Modern outlook and traditional values
The educated, professional Indian
woman is forced to blend modern and traditional values in her
life—especially when it comes to marriage. My friend Geeta is a great
example of that. She’s one of the main characters of the book, wanted to
find a husband who was sensitive to her and who didn’t force her to
trade in her jeans for saris after marriage. She wanted to find a guy
who allowed her to keep working after marriage. And yet she also wanted
to have an arranged marriage, because that was what her parents
expected, and she had more faith in that system than a love match. She
wouldn’t have wanted to marry a non-Hindu or non-Brahmin guy, because
those were important values to her family when it came to marriage. And
when she got married, she did give up her job—even though her husband
didn’t tell her she had to, it was just the expected thing to do.
Change in attitude
My time in India changed my attitudes to many
things, especially family, community, and marriage.
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| Miranda Kennedy.
Credit : Gracy Obuchowicz |
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Before I moved to
Delhi, I hadnt ever had much of a community because we moved around a
lot when I was young, and I had long lived far apart from my parents and
sisters. I was accustomed to being totally independent and on my own. In
fact, I left my boyfriend behind in New York to move to India. But while
there, I came to find it touching to see how important it is in India,
to have some protective circle of family and loved ones around you. At
first it seemed oppressive, but then I realized how wonderful that kind
of close family can be too.
I also softened my attitudes to arranged
marriage—at first I thought of it as nothing more than a
parentally-sanctioned meat market, but after a few years in India,
watching my friends go through the process, I started to see some
benefits from asking practical questions instead of leaping into a
relationship out of a feeling of love. Mature relationships do have to
grow out of some shared values and expectations from life.
The vital difference
I wouldn’t say there are essential differences
between Indian and western women; what is different are the societal
expectations. Even in fast-modernizing India, many women are expected to
act primarily for their families, and are considered selfish if they
focus on their careers and wait too long to have children. In the west,
there is less of an expectation for women to have multiple children and
to stay home with them; the weight of tradition has lifted. Women often
have multiple premarital relationships, marry and have children late, or
do not marry at all, and also have fewer children.
Indian women and western style
I do not think that Indian women are simply
following blindly in the footsteps of western women. There are many ways
in which globalization has affected the lives of Indian women, of
course—from moms microwaving meals after a long day at work, to women
choosing their own love matches and wearing western clothes. But those
changes are matched by the strong undercurrent of Indian culture that
still defines even the most modern woman. For instance, my friend
Parvati, who I also write about in the book, seemed very westernized in
some ways. She had a boyfriend she did not intend to marry; she did not
plan to have children; she smoke and drink whiskey out in the open with
her friends. And yet—she refused to wear western clothes or to eat fast
food or even pasta. She made home-cooked meals every night for her and
her boyfriend, and tried to keep the fact that she had a boyfriend
secret from her mother, because she knew she would not approve. So even
for Parvati, who rebelled against Indian tradition in many ways, the
pull of Indian culture was strong.
Influenced Indian women
I have long been impressed with India’s tradition
of feminism and beautiful writing. I admire like Arundhati Roy, Jhumpa
Lahiri, and Kiran Desai, all of whom write about the various experiences
of women in Indian or Indian-American society. |
